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"You put a baby in a crib with an apple and a rabbit. If it eats the rabbit and plays with the apples, I'll buy you a new car." -Harvey Diamond

"Save a cow. Eat a vegetarian." -Unknown

"I'm not a vegetarian becasue I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants." -A. Whitney Brown

"[When asked what he would eat if he was in a desert with no food in sight but a cow] I'd find out what the cow was eating and join it." -Benjamin Zephaniah

"HAM AND EGGS- A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig." -Unknown

"Heart attacks... God's revenge for eating his little animal friends." -Unknown

"People are more violently opposed to fur than leather becasue it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs." -Alexei Sayle

"I'm a Volvo vegetarian. I'll eat an animal only if it was accidentally killed by a speeding car." -Ron Smith

"I would not want to promote research on animals. Fortunately, only my back is twisted, not my mind." -Linn Pulis (polio victim)

"If slaughterhouses had glass walls the whole world would be vegetarians." -Paul McCartney

"Auschwitz begins wherever someone looks at a slaughterhouse and thinks: their only animals." -Theodor Adorno


1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking  places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open  and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin  meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.


And somehow one Patrick Stump has found his way to Gerard's secret supply of rainbow candy.
I can stop drinking any time I feel like, as long as it's next Tuesday.
It takes all of the Used and one very angry Frank Iero to get the bottle out of his hands.
Whenever Gerard's in one of his Moods, Bert tells him that if he kills himself he'll never speak to him ever again, and it's worked so far.
Frank sits in the smallest seat - the middle one in the back - because he is the world's smallest mammal.
"Guess what, sugar-coated fag?"
Me and the 'you' to my FCK.


MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE BIBLE
-Gerard Way puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
-Mikey Way can slam revolving doors.
-The chief export of The Frank Iero is pain.
-Mikey Way counted to infinity...twice.
-Frank Iero can divide by Zero.
-The grass is always greener on the other side. Unless Gerard Way has been there, then its soaked with tears and blood.
-The Frank Iero once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
-Gerard Way sleeps with a night light. Not because Gerard Way is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Gerard Way.
-Mikey Way is the reason Waldo is hiding.
-A Tsunami is water running away from Bob Bryar.
-Bob Bryar doesn't get brain freeze. Slurpees know when to back the fuck off.
-Bob Bryar does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
-Mikey Way can speak braille.
-Frank Iero jacks off to Monster Trucks.
-Jeeves asks Ray Toro.
-If The Bob Bryar is late, time better slow the fuck down.
-Geico saved 15% a year by switching to Gerard Way.
-Ray Toro went back in time and stopped the JFK assination by catching the bullet in mid air. JFK's head just exploded in sheer amazement.
-Gerard Way has to sort his laundry into three loads: darks, whites, and bloodstains.
-The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type "Frank Iero" into Google and hit "I'm Feeling Lucky!"
-Jesus walked on water. Gerard Way walked on Jesus.
-When Frank Iero gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
-Gerard Way doesn't use pick-up lines, he simply says, "Now."
-Mikey Way is like a Tsunami, if you can see him coming it's already too late.
-Bob Bryar ate the Stay Puff Marshmellow man.
-Ray Toro didn't vote for Pedro. He deported him.
-When God said, "Let there be light", Gerard Way said, "say please."


EVER WONDER
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click start?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests  it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff??

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apart ments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?


In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos:You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car  or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with  head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japane se food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly  Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chainwith your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
Random and funny quotes!!

Some about Amrica, some about My Chemical Romance. Oh well.

Also sme other quotes that are pretty cool. THEY ARE NOT MINE!!! I found them on YouTube!!! Just, enjoy!
Add a Comment:
 
:iconacourtofdeathandpain:
Lmao that was great

Btw I don't want to be that person
But
Planes are not made of the indestructible black box stuff because it's WAY (hahaha I'm hilarious) (just kidding I clearly am not) to heavy so the planes would crash
Reply
:iconartsabi:
Artsabi Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2016  Student Digital Artist
Wow.... wow.........
I can't... even... complete my sentence....
(*PS you should have posted funny signs. Like :
-Warning: Misbehaving children will be sold to slavery.
-Warning: Misbehaving children will be told Santa doesn't exist.
-Trespassers will be shot - Survivors will be shot again.)
Reply
:iconseveralshadesofred:
SeveralShadesOfRed Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
hate to be a know-it-all...that's a lie. well...um...anyways, politics actually is poli and tics, poli meaning people and tics being tics. poly means many, not poli. *waits for people to scream abuse at me*
THE REST WERE HILARIOUS THOUGH :3
Reply
:iconkilljoywarrior:
KilljoyWarrior Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2013
That is AMAZING XD
Reply
:iconfyrebyrdgoddess:
Fyrebyrdgoddess Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2013
Excuse me while I die laughing
Reply
:iconfallingangel377:
FallingAngel377 Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2013  Student Digital Artist
LOLZ
Reply
:iconblackstormwarrior:
blackstormwarrior Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2013  Student General Artist
Those last ones X'D
Reply
:iconmistle11411:
Mistle11411 Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2013  Student General Artist
Oh wow! The bottom ones are too funny!
Reply
:iconleegaafangirl:
LeeGaaFangirl Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2013
thank u!!
Reply
:iconnindo321:
nindo321 Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013
hahaha i love it they are all hilarious
Reply
:iconleegaafangirl:
LeeGaaFangirl Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2013
thank u!
Reply
:iconabesgoldenfriend:
abesgoldenfriend Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
well, I have an answer for 'Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?' The answer is; They sterilize them so if people have a bad disease, they don't give it to another person. By the way, this is Abesgoldenfriends little sister!
:3 Thats my sign. I don't own the sign but I love it.
Reply
:iconleegaafangirl:
LeeGaaFangirl Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012
Ok lol but I think they should use different needles. N cool
Reply
:iconfyrebyrdgoddess:
Fyrebyrdgoddess Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2013
how bout we just not use lethal injections at all?
Reply
:iconleegaafangirl:
LeeGaaFangirl Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013
haha nice
Reply
:iconfyrebyrdgoddess:
Fyrebyrdgoddess Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2013
Thank you XD
Reply
:iconabesgoldenfriend:
abesgoldenfriend Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm going to mentally hurt my sis...
Reply
:iconleegaafangirl:
LeeGaaFangirl Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012
what?
Reply
:iconabesgoldenfriend:
abesgoldenfriend Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
She posted that, I left my computer on while I took a shower and she got on my account, but that was my falt. I shouldn't have left my computer on. Oh, well...
Reply
:iconleegaafangirl:
LeeGaaFangirl Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012
Hahah it's all good
Reply
:iconabesgoldenfriend:
abesgoldenfriend Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
(^^
Reply
:iconjshad7:
jshad7 Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
OMG
Reply
:iconpepperlicious:
pepperlicious Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Haha I saw this sign once, it went like, "BARGAIN! BUY TWO DRINKS! FOR THE PRICE OF TWO DRINKS!"

(wow, whattay save)
Reply
:iconleegaafangirl:
LeeGaaFangirl Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012
hahah thats wonderful xD
Reply
:iconpepperlicious:
pepperlicious Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Ikr xD
Reply
:iconcfakatsuki:
cfakatsuki Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
XD OMFG ROFLMFAO
Reply
:iconamber1700:
amber1700 Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
That was so funny! My mom asked if I was having a hyperactive fit half way through....ps. What's wrong with America? (no offence)
Reply
:iconleegaafangirl:
LeeGaaFangirl Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2012
hahah ooh wow
and anythings wrong wit america lol its just strange xD i love america, i live in it
Reply
:iconamber1700:
amber1700 Featured By Owner Nov 5, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah, America is epic. I've been there but I unfortunately dont live there...I can do a awesome American accent,though lol
Reply
:iconleegaafangirl:
LeeGaaFangirl Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012
thats awesome! where r u from?
Reply
:iconamber1700:
amber1700 Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
U.k, England. Silly little Sheffield lol. I always wonder why I couldn't get born in America when it has everything. It's also the home of live WWE so that's another bonus lol. Plus we wouldn't have a lot of movies if it weren't for America...gosh America is so epic lol
Reply
:iconleegaafangirl:
LeeGaaFangirl Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012
haha thanks? :)
Reply
:iconamber1700:
amber1700 Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Ur welcome XD
Reply
:iconpixieeye7295:
PixieEye7295 Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
I was laughing so hard my mom thought I was having a heartattack!
Reply
:icon1-randomzeldafreak:
1-RandomZeldafreak Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2012  Student Filmographer
were did u get Mikey Way can slam revolving doors?
Reply
:iconleegaafangirl:
LeeGaaFangirl Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2012
it a twist on a chuc norris joke on someone youtube channel (when that was cool xD)
Reply
:icon1-randomzeldafreak:
1-RandomZeldafreak Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2012  Student Filmographer
lol
Reply
:iconthe-tuke:
The-Tuke Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2012
LAMA
Reply
:iconthe-tuke:
The-Tuke Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2012
dude i love it. for indoor and outdoor use only. as opposed to...... what?
Reply
:iconleegaafangirl:
LeeGaaFangirl Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2012
lol ok
Reply
:iconbookladyohyeahwoot:
bookladyohyeahwoot Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2012
'Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?'

They're lying low just in case. After all, if you're banned from the lottery today, who's going to win it tomorrow? You see, psychics are clever nowadays.
Unfortunately, some waited too long (RIP, mortal psychics)
Reply
:iconleegaafangirl:
LeeGaaFangirl Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2012
it was a joke. :/
Reply
:iconbookladyohyeahwoot:
bookladyohyeahwoot Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2012
I know...oh well...
Reply
:iconleegaafangirl:
LeeGaaFangirl Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2012
ok/
Reply
:iconbookladyohyeahwoot:
bookladyohyeahwoot Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2012
Just so you know, it's all very funny.
Reply
:icong4m3r-g123:
G4m3r-G123 Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Last one...
WHO WOULD DO THAT?!
Reply
:iconleegaafangirl:
LeeGaaFangirl Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012
silly people lol
Reply
:icong4m3r-g123:
G4m3r-G123 Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Yes, very silly :XD:
Reply
:icontaomega20:
taoMega20 Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
me or any of my freinds would, just to see if you could
Reply
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